Thursday, August 21, 2008

A letter to my son

Dear Cameron,

A mother’s love is as individual as her children. While it may seem that sometimes she loves one child more than the other that is so very far from the truth. Mothers love their children for different reasons at different times. If a child is truly lucky they are loved unconditionally. Of course the child is not perfect but neither is the mother. All mothers at one time or another wish that they could change something they did or didn’t do or something they said or didn’t say. If only one could turn back the clock and undo a wrong or relive a moment. Unfortunately it doesn’t work that way but we can look at the mistakes we make and learn from them. This is a life lesson that applies to any mistake or error you make in life.

I became a mother almost 22 years ago. When Kevin came along my life was forever changed. You look at the world differently when you have a child. You see dangers where you didn’t before and you’re on the lookout for anything that may affect your child. You realize that you are no longer responsible for just yourself but for a baby that is dependant on you for everything.
Cam and papa age 2
I reveled in all of those “firsts”. Kevin’s first smile, rolling over for the first time, the first tooth, sitting up by himself, sleeping through the night, first steps and first words. I couldn’t wait to hear the word mommy, the sweetest word in the English language.

Kev and Cam horsing around before bedtime ages 3 & 6

We decided that it was time for another addition to our family and while I was pregnant I worried and wondered how could I possibly love another child as much as I love Kevin. How could I find room in my heart for more love? I was very concerned about that. Grandma said not to worry because I would. She must known what she’s talking about since she had three kids.

Kissing cousins Cam and Meg ages 8 and 3
Cameron, I worried myself for naught. My heart actually hurt with love for you. You were a beautiful baby albeit a cranky one. As I’ve told you before and joked about it, I didn’t have an easy pregnancy with you. I was sick most of the time and every test I had done came back slightly above or below normal. I was worried sick. At one time I had a test done 3 times because it looked like you could have spine bifida. Dad and I were asked if we wanted an amniocentesis to see if there were any other defects. We said no. We wouldn’t do anything about it if there was. You were our baby and we loved you perfect or not.

Cam and his other cousin Sarah ages 9 and 7
On the day you were born things were very rocky and in the end the two of us almost died. I won’t bore you with all the gory details but suffice it to say, it was touch and go for both of us. While everything Kevin did was indeed special because he was first, everything you did was just as special or maybe even more so for the simple reason that you survived and I got to experience them with you.

Growing up. He's and Eagle Scout 2006

You’ve grown up into a fine young man that I am so proud of. I know that you will pursue life with your eyes and arms wide open, you’ll do your best to make something of yourself and bring out the best in others. Always remember there is someone out there who doesn’t have it as good as you do or is maybe having a bad day and you have the power to make them feel better whether it be with a smile or a kind word.

His last day at Ben & Jerry's. He was employed there for 2 years and worked his way up from scooper to shift leader to manager. I'm not an ice cream eater, when I would visit him I'd just have a few samples but I went all out on his last day.That's a phish food sundae with marshmallow topping and whipped cream.

My job as a mother is just about finished. I can sit back and enjoy the rewards of my hard work. As a parent our goal is to prepare our children to be responsible, self sufficient adults and I know I’ve succeeded. It’s hard to let you go and I’m not ready for it but I know that you are. It’s time to leave the nest little one. I love you.

Thanks for endulging me on this bittersweet day.


ME said...

Oh what a beautiful post! I have goosebumps.

Kitten Herder said...

Awwww.... :)