Thursday, November 13, 2008


Today I completed the trifecta of grossness. The triad of nastiness. A trinity if you will.

As you may or may not know I work in special ed in kindergarten. So far this year I've had to help a little boy in the bathroom who wet his pants. He had on jeans and sandals with socks. This kid was soaked from his waist to the tip of his toes. I took him to the nurse (and as luck would have it, she was out of her office), put him in the bathroom telling him to take off his socks and sandals first then his jeans while I looked in the closet for dry clothes. Ten minutes later I knock on the bathroom door and open it. There he stands with his pants down around his ankles with the sandals still on. Now I had to wrestle a pair of cold, urine soaked jeans and socks. UGH.

A few weeks later when the afternoon kindergartners arrived the bus driver tells me that someone had a dropped a deuce in their pants, the whole bus reeked. It didn't take long to discover the purveyor of the poopy pants. I took her to the nurse who is at lunch and one of the ladies from the main office is covering for her. We just look at each other and wonder who gets to be on clean up duty. I did it because I know her and thought it would be easier for her. But who knew a girl that little could produce what I had to wrangle out of her panties. UGH.

What's the last that has to happen to complete the trio? Vomit. Today was my lucky day. This child said he didn't feel well, he felt like he was going to throw up. Thanks for the 5 second warning dude. The other teacher managed to get a plastic grocery bag and as he's barfing in it lo and behold we realize there's a damn hole in the bottom and it's leaking all over the floor. Lots of it. Now I'm trying to get another bag up and over said leaky bag. While the throw up was spewing. Now I've been a mother for 22 years. I've weathered countless events like these including projectile vomiting but never ever have I heard someone toss their cookies like this. It sounded like it he was retching from the bowels of his stomach, it was bubbling up and exploding out. Teachers from several classrooms down the hall came in to see what was going on it was so loud. I got him to the nurse's office and Oh, a miracle, she was actually there! Funny thing was as this was all happening I didn't smell it or gag but thinking about it now makes me queasy. UGH.

It was like I was scrubbing for surgery the way I washed my hands after dealing with all these incidences. UGH.

Aren't you glad you stopped by and that I have no photographic evidence?

I'm thinking this should be standard equipment in classrooms around the country.


Sandi said...

ok. the urine and the poop I could do. but lawd help me with the vomit. I was mostly lucky with my kids..they were good at hitting a bucket or the toilet. lol.
you are a brave, brave woman for working with the kiddos again! LOL and what is it with that nurse?

tornwordo said...

The poop would have been the hardest for me. I'm a little surprised that 5 year olds aren't able to "hold it".

Kitten Herder said...

Kids are gross. :)