Sunday, January 06, 2008

Jeff Foxworthy

Here it is just the sixth day of the new year and already I've missed a day of Bushisms. How reliable am I? Don't answer that. Anyway, here's number 6.

"And I want those who are questioning it to step up and explain why all of a sudden a Middle Eastern company is held to different standards that a Great British company."

Defending a plan to allow a company from the United Arab Emirates to manage ports in the United States; aboard Air Force One on 2/32/06

I do get a laugh from Jeff Foxworthy and his red neck jokes. Maybe because I'm not a red neck but I also had a laugh when I read this bit he did about upstate New Yorkers. Now he lumped all New Yorkers north of NYC as up-staters but that's not true. For your convenience I've doctored a NY state map to show you the different regions. It took me a long time to do this so click on it to enlarge and appreciate my talents! (?)

Here it is with my comments in black.

If you consider it a sport to gather your food by drilling through 36 inches of ice and sitting there all day hoping that the food will swim by, you might live in Upstate New York.
True, many like to ice fish but not me. I'm not into freezing my ass off for a few perch or bass.

If you're proud that your region makes the national news 96 nights a year because Saranac Lake is the coldest spot in the nation, and Syracuse gets more snow than any other major city in the US , you might live in Upstate, NY.
True, in my area of NY the three cities of Buffalo, Rochester and Syracuse have a competition to see who gets the most snow. We've all had our turn of being the lucky winner. These 3 cities get copious amounts of lake effect snow. The benefit of living in Rochester is that we often get lake effect snow off of both Lake Erie and Lake Ontario.

If your local Dairy Queen is closed from October through May, you might live in Upstate New York .
That's not true. We don't have Dairy Queen around here. We do have Abbott's, a frozen custard ice cream and yes they are closed October through April Mr. Foxworthy.

If you get 131 inches of snow in a week and you comment that 'winter's finally here', you might live near Oswego in Upstate New York.
True, enough said. That really happened.

If you instinctively walk like a penguin for six months out of the year, you might live, bundled up, in Upstate New York.
True for most, but I hate to wear a winter coat so I usually wear just a fleece jacket unless the temp goes below 0 degrees.

If someone in a Home Depot store offers you assistance, and they don't work there, you might live in Upstate NY.
True, we're a friendly bunch.

If your dad's suntan stops at a line curving around the middle of his forehead, you might live in Upstate New York.
True for many.

If you have worn shorts and a parka on the same day, you might live in Upstate New York.
LOL, this can happen.

If you have had a lengthy phone conversation with someone who dialed a wrong number, you might live in Upstate New York.
I don't get this one.


'Vacation' means going South past Syracuse for the weekend.
Not true for me anyway. I go north to the 1000 Island/St. Lawrence River area.

You measure distance in hours.
Doesn't everybody?

You know several people who have hit a deer more than once.

You often switch from 'heat' to 'A/C' in the same day and back again.
It can happen.

You can drive 65 mph through 2 feet of snow during a raging blizzard, without flinching.
Uh, hhhmmmm, yes we do.

You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both unlocked.
Not true for me. Our house has been broken into twice over the years and countless things have gone missing from our yard and garage.

You carry jumper cables in your car and your girlfriend/wife knows how to use them.
True, I know how to use them, don't know about the girlfriend.

You design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.
A resounding true!

Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow.
I hate to admit this but this is true.

You know all 4 seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter, and road construction.
Not true. While we do have a long continuous road construction season, we often have a week long spring and summer lasts a few weeks.

You can identify a southern or eastern accent.
I love a southern accent, an eastern, not so much.

Down South to you means Corning .
Not true.

Your neighbor throws a party to celebrate his new shed.
Not true in my neighborhood, maybe in the next county over.

You go out for a fish fry every Friday .
True and I love them!!

Your 4th of July picnic was moved indoors due to frost.
Not true but it seems to rain often on this day.

You have more miles on you r snow blower than your car.
Some weeks, yes.

You find 10 degrees 'a little chilly.' and 55 is shorts weather.

You actually understand these jokes, and you forward them to all your Upstate New York friends and to those who used to live here and left.
True and this will be me someday. Moving to someplace warm and sunny!


Kitten Herder said...

Many of these quips apply to those of us who live in NH as well. ;)

Mr. Fabulous said...

That is some NICE map work.

You people who live up there are all crazy. The coolest among you will be allowed to move here to Florida.

Summer said...

Kitten Herder, we sure have to be a hearty breed to live up north.

Fab, Cool or not, I'm heading south in my golden years. :)