Wednesday, July 15, 2009

Is age relative?

I read this story on Yahoo today, the world's oldest mother has died. After living with and taking care of her own mother who died at age 101, Maria Del Carmen Bousada decided she wanted to have a baby. She traveled to the United States to a fertility clinic in Los Angles and lied to them about her age telling them she was 55 years old. No proof of age was required and they got her pregnant. How old was she really? She birthed those twin boys at age 66. Ms. Bousada died at age 68 and the boys are just two and a half years old. She stated that she wanted children but the time was never right. After her mother died she decided that was the time.
I am all for technology helping couples that can't conceive to become pregnant. There is nothing worse in the world than wanting a baby and not being able to have one. I speak from experience here. To have that need to love, care and nurture a child and not be able to so is devastating. I was lucky enough to have a happy ending to my story and have 2 wonderful boys that I give thanks for everyday. I know there are people out there that say if God wanted you to have a baby you would but I don't believe that. Whether it be through adoption or science I am all for doing what it takes to become a mother. Except in this case.
Women were designed to stop being fertile after a certain age for a reason. The chances of medical problems and danger to mom and and baby is huge but just the age difference between mother and child is reason enough not to do it. Parenthood is an exhausting, endless, vacationless job. You need to be up for the challenge. If Bousard had lived, when her boys were 18 she'd be 84! Now I realize these boys will never regret being born. I'm sure they are loved and have people in their lives that will care for them. My thought is that there needs to be a cut off point with medical intervention. The clinic she used did have a cut off of age 55 but even that's high. My opinion, the age should be 50 tops and then there should be other guidelines such as does she already have children.
When I had my second child, he and I almost died. Seriously. It was an awful ordeal for for us and the rest of our families. I'll spare you the medical details. When I talked to my doctor about a third child he asked me if I was happy with my boys and did I love them? Of course! I replied. He then told me yes, your medical issues would most likely occur again only worse, I'd be that much older than the last time and was the risk worth it? What convinced me was when he told me that it's a terrible thing to lose a baby but its even worse when you lose the mother especially when she has little children at home that need her. That was the end of me wanting another child, it was a real wake up call.
Once upon a time women got married young and had their children young. My mom had three kids under age five by the time she was 25 years old. Along came the women's movement and more women began concentrating on their careers, marrying later or delaying the start of a family. I had my kids at age 28 and 32. Today it's not unusual to see women in their 40's having their first baby. If you hear your biological click ticking, don't wait until you're 55 or 66 to start working on it.
I'm sure that Maria Del Carmen Bousada never dreamed that she'd die so soon after her children were born and I do feel bad for her and the boys. At least they will know how much their mother loved them and wanted them even if they're without her now.