Saturday, August 12, 2006

My name is Summer and I'm a...

I thought I'd write about something personal to me. Six months ago I was diagnosed as a diabetic. I hadn't felt great in a while, just wasn't myself. It seemed like I constantly didn't feel well. I finally went to the doctor, had some tests and the results came back Type 2 diabetes. I really didn't have many classic symptoms except I was tired all the time especially after eating. Oh and I had to pee a lot. A lot. I was very upset about it and went into denial. In my mind I thought that I really couldn't have it because I didn't feel like I did.
Then I was really pissed about it, I thought why me? Not that I want anyone to have diabtetes but how come me? I have enough going on with other things. Why is my body betraying me again? Now I have to test my blood all the time, buy all the crap that goes along with that.
Next I was depressed about it. I thought about how this disease will take some years off of my life. It's hard to deal with watching what I eat , having to change the way I eat, giving up everything I love to eat. What kind of life is that? I'm limited to 30 grams of carbs per meal. And if you don't know, that's not much especially if you're a carb eater like yours truly. I am not a sweet person but a salty, crunchy person. I can pass up cookies, ice cream, cake etc. but I do love Mallo Cups. (I have a secret admirer at school who periodically leaves me some in my mailbox. I haven't figured out who it is and who knows I love them.) Some people eat to live and others love to eat. I fall into the second catagory. Life as I knew it was over. I didn't want anyone to know I had it, I was ashamed and thought I brought it on myself. Boy was I feeling sorry for myself.
Well I think I have finally come to terms with it and accepted that I have it. I went to a 9 hour diabetes class and learned how to manage it and take charge of it. There is no history of it in my family but I did have gestational diabetes with my youngest son and that made me predisposed to getting Type 2 later in life. So okay, I do have to stick my finger and check my blood sugar. I do have to watch what I eat but I can still eat what I like, just in moderation. I can have a Mallo Cup, just not 4 at a time. It's not about never having sugar but watching your carbs and eating the right kind of carbs. I thought about what I would rather have other than diabetes. What if I could give up my eye sight or my hearing or sense of smell to not have it. Well I love to see the beauty in the world, my children, husband, flowers, the blue sky, the beach, a goldfinch at the feeder or read a book. But if I couldn't hear I would miss hearing the laughter of a child (my favorite sounds; a baby laughing, a far off whistle from a soccer or football game in the fall, the birds singing, the word mommy) I wouldn't hear the bubbles from a can of soda or when my son comes home at 2 am and whispers, "mom I'm home". If I couldn't smell I would miss the scent of a baby or puppy (they smell sooo good), the smell of rain coming, the damp, salty, fishy smell of the beach, the crispness of a sunny winter day. They say that your sense of smell brings forth the most memories. Once in a small town called Niagara on the Lake in Canada ,Sean and I walked by a very small restuarant and a delicious smell was eminating from it. It smelled exactly like my grandmother's house when she cooked us roast beef for dinner when I was a kid. I stopped right on the sidewalk and hurt with the pain of missing her. I have never smelled that smell since. So would I give any of those up so I wouldn't have diabetes? Nope. Being a diabetic is something that I have accepted, can control and have realized that I could have something worse like leprosy or mad cow.


Anonymous said...

That's great step you took, Summer: acknowledging it and sharing it with us. I liked your reflexions about senses: in a far place, one can be close (again) to our dear and loved ones, even if we miss them.

Summer said...

Thanks Claudio for your kind words, I miss chatting. Hope work is going well. :)