I enjoy reading people's blogs for the most part. Do I agree with everything they say? No. I'm not judgemental. People do things in their lives for their own personal reasons. I don't have to like it. Do I comment on them? Once in a while I do comment but for the most part, I tend to be more of a lurker. I don't know why because I wish more commented on my two blogs.
I've been following one for a while now entitled www.desperatehusband.blogspot.com In a nutshell, he is unhappily married with an online girlfriend, has had an affair, plans on leaving his wife etc. In short, his life is a mess.
He has received many anonymous comments about his exploits, many telling him their own personal story, offering a glimpse from someone that has been there and done that. I can see from those comments that most times the online cheating leads no where, they are still unhappy in the long run. Some offer suggestions in a kind way, some in a rude way. He also has his fans that urge him on to live his life, have the online gf and leave his wife. DH can do what ever he wants to of course. It's his life, he has to live it and live with his desicions. When you bring another person into the mix such as he has, your ability to make decisions becomes distorted.
By putting your life out in a blog you have to expect that you will get good comments and bad ones. I know that first hand. I get both although my comments are different than his, being that the subject matter is very different.
He has certainly struck a nerve out in blogland. Do I agree with what he is doing? No. I don't think it helps when people bash him for what he's doing or when people tell him he's doing the right thing. I do have my own ideas of what I think about him but everyone has their own private reasons for doing what they do. I will say this; when you put it all out there in a blog, you better have a thick skin.
What prompted me to write this post is that there are some bloggers out there attacking the anonymous posters. I feel that many, not all, of the anonymous ones have left well written comments, they make sense but most happen to disagree with DH and how he is handling his situation. It may be helpful if DH opens his mind but alas it does sound like his mind is made up. No matter what is said he only listens to the ones that agree with him. They have taken up his cause and bash what the anonymous commenters have to say. People have different reasons for commenting anonymously, I can't fault them for that. But I want to make this clear. Are we all not anonymous out here in the cyber world? Sure you can leave your blogger name but unless you are willing to put your real name out there as well as your email address, I've got news for you; YOU ARE ANONYMOUS TOO.
I did this post on my blog because it is way to long to post in his comments.
Sunday, November 19, 2006
To comment or not to comment
Posted by Summer at Sunday, November 19, 2006
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4 comments:
"No matter what is said he only listens to the ones that agree with him."
Not necessarily true, Summer. He *listens* to everyone but does only what "he" has already made up his mind to do. However I'm sure the critical comments do bother him.
Granted, all are anonymous here on the net (or damn well should be, if one is not). What bothers some people however is that one "anonymous" named commenter isn't distinguishable from all the other many "anonymous" commenters out there in blog land. However if someone comments using a blog name (like "Summer"), which links to the commenter's own blog then that commenter becomes more recognizable as a unique acceptable entity, regardless of the content of that which is commented - whether good or bad. And even like myself who has no blog, so long as I consistently comment using the same unique name, in more or less the same blogs, then I too become more recognizable and accepted as a "regular" visitor to that person's blog. Do you see the difference?
Followed your blog over here and I did put my name on the comments I left.That's the best I can offer.
I don't have a blog. I don't think I should have to have one in order to leave a comment. Am I going to give you my last name and address? Heck no. But then, neither is DH.
He doesn't want anyont to know who he is. That'd be suicide. It's foolhardy for anyone to do that whether they're talking about infidelity or the weather. There are just too many crazy things happening on the Internet to take chances like that.
Because I haven't filled out a form on a blog that tells you what I like to read, eat ect, doesn't make me any less anonymous than DH. I could list those things if I felt like I needed to make myself what Rob calls an "acceptable entity." I just don't.
I left a valid comment, minus the name-calling.
And I have to doubt myself or any of the others who post anonymously against DH's situation over there are going to be considered welcome visitors even if we did have blogs.
I have to say, changing the comments to anonymous only seems cowardly. It's again, having everyone who supports you do exactly what someone who's a narcissist does. Look for sympathy while hurting someone else.
That, to me, is untennable.
And kudos to you, Summer for leaving anonymous comments on.
Thanks for the op to share.
Ellen
I'm a friend of DH's (not a fan, big distinction) who wandered over here to see what your comment was.
I'm one who doesn't like anonymous commenters (though it can be done on my blog), and I agree with most of what Rob says.
I would add the following: I hate anonymous comments because it doesn't promote dialogue at all. I let people comment on my posts in the hope that it will create constructive discussion. It becomes tiresome to have long conversations in comments. Putting some type of label to your comments generally allows a way to have that dialogue privately, instead of conducting a pissing match in front of the whole world.
Plus, it's a bit cowardly to just drop mean-spirited words on someone and run away. Sure, I use a handle, but, if I want to keep using it, I have to be accountable for my words.
I do understand why people don't like anonymous comments, and sometimes it does feel a bit "hit and run" to me. Some people have been very hard on DH and even downright abusive. It must hurt, so no wonder he is getting defensive.
But, you know, some people have not been abusive, they have just told him what they think and why. There is a distinction.
I like the guy, and I live with a sick partner myself, so I do have some idea of how hard it can be.
But the fact is that he is essentially deceiving his wife into believing that things might be rocky but the marriage is still alive, when in reality he has started another relationship and is 99% out the door. He is actively planning to desert a women with health problems who has four kids to look after. Who is going to help her with those four kids, I wonder? You know, when he is working all hours to support two households?
Its his privilege to do so, its his life after all and we each have to decide how much we can stand, but is he really expecting everyone to tell him he's a great guy for doing it?
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