In the last two weeks or so I've had two complete strangers comment to me that I look tired. Plus two people I know. I'm always leery of that remark, does it really mean you look like crap? The thing is though I am tired. Tired of winter, tired of my job, tired of having to leave the house. There is a dark cloud looming over my head.
This is nothing new. Historically this time of year is bad for me and has been for as long as I can remember for several reasons.
First, it's winter time. Our region is moving into the coldest months of the year, January and February. Not to mention the snow and most of all, lack of sunshine.
Second, my family is not as it was for the last 22 years. I have one son living in New York City and one away at college. He was just home for a long break, we took him back yesterday.
Third, I feel my age. Not only physically but mentally as well. My parents are getting up there in years and I worry about them. My kids are grown. Even the dog is aging. He's not a quick as he once was, he's stiff when he gets up and it's been getting noticeably harder for him to jump up on the bed. I just can't believe that my life is more than half over. It seems like yesterday I was in high school or a young mother.
Fourth, my job. This has been a very difficult year for me. I have some heavy duty behavior and emotional issues in my kindergarten classes. My job being what it is, I'm there for those students but around 2:00 I'm out of gas. I had a success story with one little girl. She has come so far and we have a good relationship but she recently moved to a new school district.
I know this sounds like whining. People are losing their jobs, they may be ill or dealing with much heavier stuff but these are my issues.
So yes, I'm tired. The sparkle has gone out of my eyes I guess. It doesn't take much to get me emotional, music, thoughts even sights. Hubby and I are going to Florida in February and I'm pretty sure I'm not going to want to come back.
I'll get over this, I always do but man, I need some sunshine.
3 comments:
I completely understand where you are coming from. The tiredness and the emotions get to me, too.
Maybe looking forward to your trip and warm weather will help.
I feel like I will never be warm again. ugh.
You know, anybody who suffers from a chronic condition, whether it be diabetes, or in my case RSD, starts to feel this way. Life is moving on, and you never, ever feel like you are 100%, and sometimes you feel like you are being left behind. I wake up and feel EXACTLY as you described in this post at least twice a week or more. I have to force myself through my routine and keep going. I fall down alot, but I always try to get myself back up. No one ever sees you fall, but they notice when you get back up.....
I could have written this post myself. Hang in there girl and drink red wine.
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